How to nurture your spirit
You cannot pour from an empty cup
My friends-
I am so glad you’re here. It makes me so happy when I see how many folks read these notes. I am committed to writing them and want them to be of use to you, so I’m open to suggestions! Consider leaving a comment if there is something you’d like to see me write and reflect on. This is a community space and I want everyone to feel comfortable sharing their preferences and ideas!
This month we are going to focus on support. Today’s note is about how we support ourselves and next week I will share how we can show up for others during a time of need. Then I have a very special essay I am sharing with you and Emily Oster’s Parent Data community on how to support adoptive families. Lastly we will, of course, have this month’s Joy List! This month will be full of laughs and even a special giveaway! Alright, let’s jump in.
During the pandemic, while others were making bread, I got into flower arranging. A local flower farm would deliver these gorgeous buckets of flowers to our front porch in Virginia and I would painstakingly arrange and rearrange them just so for hours, making a giant mess in the kitchen that Matt usually cleaned up.
So it brought me tremendous joy today to take ten minutes to wander into a local flower shop and pick out a few stems. I have gotten much better at this hobby so arranging the flowers when I got home took 20 minutes tops. Afterward I cried. Actually, scratch that, I bawled. Truth is, I have been working nonstop for several months on a major project while navigating Long COVID and the rest of my life. I was spent. Totally physically and emotionally exhausted. And I didn’t even realize it till I paused to experience some joy.
I realized, as I sat and cried, that the entire time I’ve been working, I’ve also been carrying around a tremendous volume of stress. There’s this ever-present current of fear undergirding everything because, let’s be honest, my capacity has been highly unpredictable for about a year now. Ever since I got sick last April, I have been unable to predict or assume how I might feel on any given day or what I may not may not actually be able to accomplish. I’ve been terrified that something important to me is going to fall completely off track.
I think we often write off joy as this not-so-serious thing that is mostly reserved for children, but that’s just not true. Joy feeds your spirit. It doesn’t have to be costly or extravagant to give your brain a break from grief or pain. In today’s uncertain world, I invite you to feed your spirit. I encourage you to find things to do at least each week that are simply focused on beauty and joy and reprieve. I am insisting upon it because our brains need it. According to the research in Grief is Love, joy, laughter, and fun give the brain a pause from whatever grief you are personally experiencing so that your brain can continue to heal and process. This is not a random suggestion from an old lady on the internet, this is science.
As we all continue to navigate global instability, chaos, and uncertainty, I hope you will check-in on yourself. I hope you will ask the hard questions to identify what you need and then GO GET IT. It isn’t just remembering to drink water, eat right, or get enough sleep, etc. This goes beyond the basics. An intentional check in looks like:
“How am I feeling deep down?”
“Is there anything about this situation that feels heavy?”
“What do I need to be OK?”
“How can I best support myself?”
We need to be constantly pouring into ourselves in order to effectively pour into others. In my case, I was emotionally and physically depleted, and I wasn’t doing enough to sustain myself. I needed to feed my spirit. I needed joy.
We have the ability to make our lives easier or harder by how we do or do not care for ourselves. The fundamental question you need to ask about everything is, “What do I really need to be my best self, my healthiest self, and my most whole self?” No matter what your role, or roles may be in this life or during this current moment of crisis, you cannot fulfill them if you are not full.
Sending you into the weekend with a heart full of love and joy.
xxMarisa
Stunning flowers!