Float, Don't Fight

Just because it’s a calling doesn’t mean it’s comfortable.

My Friends–

How are you? No really, how are you doing? Let me know in the comments. This is such a wild and bizarre time and we are all navigating so much uncertainty. I hope you are finding ways to care for yourself in the midst of it all.

I told you I was going to give you the skinny on what I am up to in the world of talking about Waiting for Dawn so here it goes:

• A Substack live I did with journalist and dear friend Garrison Hayes!

• And a reminder, our NYC event is less than two weeks away so I hope you will grab your tickets today for April 6th at The Strand where I will be in conversation with Alison Hall of Inside Edition!

Okay, deep breath in, hold for four, exhale for six.

We are less than a month away from the publication of my second book, Waiting for Dawn. I promised myself throughout the editorial process that I wouldn’t let the launch campaign make me lose my mind or harm my health, but it’s hard. In the coming weeks you will see podcast interviews, TV appearances, discussions on Sirius XM, and photos of successful events. But what you won’t see are the weeks of constant pitching and the silent rejections that feel like tiny failures. Long COVID aside, the process of putting a book out into the world is filled with indifference, quick “nos” and hard earned “yeses” that can get bumped on a dime for the week’s hot button issues. Ask any author—this is the part that we hate.

I have successfully sold people on ideas, organizations and individuals virtually my entire life. I started raising money for my Catholic Youth Organization (go Saint Mary’s!) basketball team at 11, and by 15 I was raising money for a local politician. I haven’t stopped since. And though I know how to sell, when the thing you’re selling feels like a piece of your soul, the “nos” hit differently.

I know that the success of this book, by and large, rests with me. Personally, my goal is to make sure Waiting for Dawn finds those who need it, those like me who life has left in the sticky mud of uncertainty and who need a helpful hand to climb their way out. So I’ve been out here, every single day, pulling all types of favors and thinking of new ways to get this book into new hands. Can I be honest, though? It is exhausting.

In the publishing world, at least among the “Big 5” publishers, the main metric for success is sales. But the simple fact is that the vast majority of books simply don’t sell “well.” According to Bookscan, in 2022, the year that Grief is Love was released, only 1% of books (out of over 3 million titles published that year) sold more than 5,000 copies. The data is demoralizing, but I refuse to be defeated. I may not enjoy this part of the process, but I would and will 1,000,000% do it again. For me, writing isn’t a choice. It is an essential part of being alive. It’s as natural as breathing. I am compelled to do this work and that means I have to accept the parts I don’t enjoy, the elements that make me feel insecure and afraid. I know I can’t be the only one out here trying to do something that feels impossible!

We have a sign that a friend gave Bennett for his first birthday that says, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” This is what I want my son to believe, that anything is possible, no matter how hard it may be. So when you feel called and compelled to do something but you also know it’s going to require you to do things that make you feel vulnerable and exposed and exhausted, how do you do it? How do you maintain your sanity in the midst of an impossible mission? And how do you deal with the rejection that may come from your valiant pursuit? Here are some answers I’ve started to carve out for myself, that may be helpful for you too.

• Community: I am reminded of the African Proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” It may be your name on the big project or album or book cover, but you didn’t get there by yourself. Whether it’s a friend who helps you prep for your audiobook recording, the person who always lets you whine when things aren’t going well, or someone like my husband who doesn’t put up with the whining and pushes you to keep going, you need others to help you do the impossible. My acknowledgments in Waiting for Dawn are 6 pages long, and I am sure I forgot some folks. Build your community so you can do what you feel called to do.

• Take Breaks: When I was a kid (and I am sure this will come as a shock), I was a deeply competitive overachiever. I wanted to do everything, win everything, and be the best at basically everything—except sports, where I was okay with being just average. Every so often, I would burn myself out and my mom would let me take a “Mental Health Day” off from school. I’d hang with my grandma and watch soap operas and drink too much sweet tea. Then, I’d return to school the next day refreshed and ready to win. Give yourself rest, take breaks, experience moments of joy in the midst of your hustle–before the burnout. You need to fill your cup in order to keep going.

• Be Patient: I decided I was going to write Grief is Love in 2008. I didn’t start actually writing the book until 2020. I knew what was meant for me but I also knew other things were meant for me too: a job in the White House, fun single girl days in DC and New York City, a husband, a dog, and many other things. I knew that book was in me, too, but I knew I needed to be patient. It would emerge at the right time, and that’s exactly what happened. Let your life unfold naturally.

• Float, Don’t Fight: When we put forth our best efforts to make things that matter to us happen, at a certain point we just need to let go. To float. At some stage in the process you have to accept you’ve done all you can and just be. In the silence, you will find not only rest but space for discernment. Your instincts will guide you to your next steps.

If you feel called to do something challenging and impossible, I want you to go for it. I don’t care how hard it is, when you know something is meant for you, you gotta keep at it. If you are looking for more encouragement, I highly recommend checking out The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, a book that absolutely led to the creation of Grief is Love. I also enjoyed The Creative Act by Rick Rubin, which is filled with exercises meant to support and promote your creativity.

Last thing is a giveaway! Maggie Smith’s new book of poems A Suit or a Suitcase published this week and this is your chance to get a free copy. To enter the giveaway, simply comment below with one thing you’ve done in life that once felt impossible. We’ll select a winner next week!

I hope you find the strength to keep going, no matter what, in your life and in this world.

xxMarisa

P.S. And in case you’re wondering, yes, Grief is Love was in that top 1% of books that sold well in 2022. Hope that helps you understand why I’m so damn relentless this time around:)